God promises a safe landing, not a calm passage.
On February 11th, 2006, I lost a very dear friend, Po-Wen Ching, on his 31st birthday. Words are a paltry tool to describe the loss of someone close to you - something that I always understood mentally, and now fully comprehend with my own broken heart. Po's many friends started a website with their thoughts and remembrances of Po - but it's taken me some time to be able to put my thoughts and feelings into words. Po loved quotes of famous people - so I start with this one by Abraham Lincoln: "It's not the days in your life, but the life in your days that counts." What could better describe my friend?
Po -
What can I say that will make anyone, including myself, feel any better? Those who know you best grieve not for you - but for themselves and their loss of the bright light on a hill that was your life.
Attending your funeral is easily one of the toughest things I've ever had to do, and it's hard to look past the loss and realize that there's still beauty and wonder in the world. I've been trying to look back on memories and things for which I'm grateful, and to remember what your friendship has meant to me. To list everything would take far too long, but:
- Thank you for the privilege of being your roommate, and for the years we had together in our house.
- Thank you for the shared excitement over the newest tech gadgets (cellphones, PDA's, computers, etc) , and for the fun we had figuring out what we wanted "next"...
- Thank you for the fun of exploring new places, new restaurants....thanks for introducing me to Dave & Busters...
- Thank you for putting up with and taking part in the various cooking experiments that we concocted, and for helping me further perfect my "spam stir-fry" recipe.
- Thank you for hanging out with me in front of the TV, watching movies or a music channel.
- Thank you for the discipline you encouraged - both in my spiritual life, as well as in every-day things, like keeping a clean kitchen...
- Thank you for the wisdom that you shared, as we talked over everything from women to toys to our spiritual lives - and for helping me make a few of the big decisions in my life.
- Thank you for promising to sell your body to raise money to get me professional counseling because of my "conflicted" childhood, and my struggles with life and with being half-chinese ...
- Thank you for your shared love of music and for the inspiration to continue working on my skills with the guitar. For showing me a few tricks of the trade, and just being encouraging as I played.
- Thank you for the wonderful times we spent praising our Lord together - either just the two of us, or with others (like the summer missionaries).
- Thank you for being willing to listen to me, when I just needed to talk - to explore what I was feeling, or when I needed to work through something...
- Thank you for the new praise and worship music that you'd bring to me, and teach me to love as much as you did - even if you never got around to teaching me the "Eagle Song". I guess you'll just have to teach it to me in Heaven.
- Thank you for the laughter and enjoyment of playing games (even when wiping the floor with me at some playstation game).
- Thank you for your support when I was going through very hard times, and for being there when I needed to talk or pound on something.
- Thank you for helping me smash the broken wooden chair on the porch, when I needed to vent.
- Thank you for going fishing with me on our pond (with rifles, even), for playing golf in the front yard, and for helping cook outside on the hibachi...
- Thank you for your trust, in leaving me in charge of your things when you went away on all of those recruitment trips for CEF...
- Thank you for the good times on our road trip to North Carolina (and back), during the CEF International Conferences, and for stopping with me to try "Dippin' Dots" for the first time.
- Thank you for your understanding of people, and for sharing some of what you saw with me.
- Thank you for sharing your wonder and excitement, when you came home from your recruitment trip to Grace College - SO excited to have met a real blond-haired, blue-eyed asian girl....proof that such a thing was not just mythical. For sharing the details of how you'd met and started getting to know her. The fun you had figuring out a way to propose to her, for showing off to me the beautiful diamond ring you bought in South Africa, and for letting me hang around as you wrote the love song for your wife-to-be, which you sang at the wedding reception.
- Thank you for the simple lessons in both Cantonese and Mandarin, and not making too much fun of me when I butchered the tonals or pronunciation.
- Thank you for the phone calls and talks once we had both moved moved away from Missouri.
- Thank you for living your life in the service of your God so boldly and clearly, and for inspiring me (and so many others) to want to do the same.
- Thank you just for being a true friend....you will be deeply missed - until we see each other again!
GOD - I miss my friend terribly, but I thank you for allowing me the time I had with him....for everything he meant to me....thank you for rewarding him as he deserves. Thank you for surrounding me with other true and trusted friends during this hard time in my life, who remind me that there is still beauty and wonder and love in this world - even if my clouded eyes can't see that right now.
Did you ever have a moment where you did something accidentally, and you instantly wanted to take yourself to the nearest wall and bash your head against it until you collapse out cold? Or to start breaking things around you.....
It's an interesting reaction, considering that neither will really help the situation at all - they'd just make it worse than it already is....but I digress :P
In a moment of extreme clumsy stupidity, I spilled a glass of sweetened iced tea on my 2.5 month old Apple Powerbook laptop *sighs* I really hate myself sometimes....
I finally got the nerve (feeling very sheepish) to call up the AppleCare support hotline, and the incredibly nice guy (Thanks Don! Wherever you are) was kind enough to not make me feel like a moron - and he helped me to at least figure out that I had not fried the motherboard (system board). He helped me figure out how to power my laptop back on - and so the first thing was to back up my key files *heh*
The keyboard and mouse button are a bit sticky, but I'm going to try and carefully clean them - I've also got a funky pattern on my display now. But hey! It's still functional....
I found it interesting, as well, how upset I was over this - considering I've only had it for less than 3 months. It *is* only a thing - and not something that I depend on for my life....
There's an Apple store down in Grand Rapids - so I shall probably be making a trek down there to see about some repairs at some point....we'll see....
I've been a PC user for years, although I've had plenty of interaction with Macs (even had to support them for quite a few years). All in all, it's been pretty nice having access to a Mac whenever I wanted. I may not be a huge fan of the OS, but the aesthetics of the Powerbook are unmatched in current PC laptops that I've dealt with so far.
I'm not saying that I prefer Macs - I'm a die-hard Linux fan, truth be told - but I do recognize their appeal :)
Anyway, life goes on. It's only money, and I can always earn more of that as long as I have my health! So despite the self-flagellation over this accident, I am moving on with my life.
Happy Chinese New Year to you all (year of the dog). I hope you all have a great Sunday!!